Professor Humperdink III

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Eighty Teel

If I had eighty teel
I would start an appeal.

If I had eighty-four
I would just appeal more.

There's no end I know
To desire.


Professor Humperdink's Survival Guide: lesson fifty three.

To survive a storm at sea;
Dry land is the best place to be.


The Rescue

(Part one).

Hunting teddy-bears is not fair, no-one should hunt a teddy-bear.

I rescued a bear and sent him into space.

They say I'm not well, I certainly smell,

They keep me locked up in this place.

His ears went back, his tum went in, the rocket started to spin.

The temperature rose and rose,

Smoke came out of the teddy-bears nose.

I prayed for him.

I am old and I've snapped but, I tell you, I clapped,

When they banned teddy-bear hunting in Greece.

I applied for early release.

They say that I'm barking, but I'm not alone.

He went to the stars and didn't come home.

We will rescue the bear once again!

Bring him back from Mars.

They keep me in this section as the public needs protection,

Don't come too close to the bars.

I am old and I've cracked but, I tell you, I clapped

When they stopped teddy-bear hunting in France.

I did a little dance.

They say I'm not right in the head

But, by the unfathomable thing in my beard,

I swear we can rescue that ted.

I am old and I'm weird but, I tell you, I cheered

When they stopped teddy-bear hunting with guns,

I juggled hot-cross buns.

For God's sake watch out! I attack without warning:

The rocket is prepared, fully teddy-beared,

And we leave with a bang in the morning.

Moist Bat

A bat's black wings are made of leather.
They keep them dry in rainy weather.
This rhyme could mean two things:
Dry wings? Wet bat!
Dry bat! Wet wings?
It's either this or thus or that,
Keeping dry the wings or bat.
It's either that or this or thus,
And utterly confuses us.