Professor Humperdink III

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We Hope

Around the flaming sphere we call the Sun,
We spin around all year, we think it's fun.
As old as happiness, so new as to amaze.
We hope your year is wonderful,
Your orbit full of days.


A Toast

To old friends and new friends
And the rest of the tribe.
Here's to us all.
May we thrive.
To uncles and aunts,
Sisters and brothers,
Fathers and mothers
And various others
Here's to the World,
May it survive.


The Present

One Humperdink should be used with delicacy and tact.
It makes you always right,
Good people will want to hit you with an axe.
It will be is as if you knew all along,
You will never be wrong, from now on
Expect savage attacks.

You will be correct,
You will be fantastically accurate and true.
It is the right answer to the question.
People will hit you.

If, for example, they ask how old you are,
Or how long you will be,
Don't twitch around, go "Er." And blink.
Answer, matter of factly;
"One Humperdink."

To answer all questions correctly,
Don't scratch your head or think,
Now you can answer exactly;
"One Humperdink."

"I hope my friends enjoy this present.
They can use it as ultimate proof"
Professor Humperdink has been recorded,
Shouting through the night.
"I am sure they'll find it pleasant
Always to be right,
And hope they don't abuse this simple truth.".


We are Sorry

We didn't mean to misguide the public, that was never our intention.
The Pudding Head God was an invention.
(We never claimed he was the only one).
Giving hope for the stupid, after a while,
His pink icing smile brought tears to the wise.
So did his marzipan eyes.
Our Pudding Head God was a giant chocolate bun.
He's gone.

Although he wasn't immortal he always made us chortle,
His hair was jelly, his nose was a cherry.
He will be missed.
He didn't exist.


Modern Housing

My brother-in-law, an architect known for his cunning invention,
Designed a house and, living from hand to mouse,
Omitted the third dimension.
His house was flat, entirely 2D, there was no place to be.
He built squares in the air, there was no interior, only outside.
The savings in space, the gardens extensive and,
With no depth included, it isn't expensive.
He says, with a great deal of pride.