Professor Humperdink III

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Drop-dead Doctor

My doctor is drop-dead gorgeous.
"You drink too much, don't be so lazy." She says
Her perfume sending me crazy.
She looks at my tongue.
My doctor, glamorous, sexy and young.
She makes me cough,
"Do more exercise!" She tells me off.
Her incredible voice making me insane.
My doctor is lovely but she obviously thinks I'm a joke.
She looks, in despair, at my crumbling frame.
I can't take my eyes off her wonderful figure,
"You're getting bigger. You're fat and you smoke.
Think of the strain on your heart."
She gives my belly a poke.
My blood pressure goes off the chart,
She says, "There's nothing I can do for you."
Privately, I think, this isn't strictly true.
It just that she wouldn't (and I probably couldn't).
She says "I will have to run another test."
Losing my soul in her beautiful eyes,
I have a cardiac arrest.


Inga's Song

Too much fish, she get what she wish
Too much cream, too much sleep 'n dream
Too much meat, four white feet,
That's what Inga has.
Too much jump, land with thump,
Too much milk, hair as soft as silk,
Too much scratch, one black eye-patch
That's what Inga has.
Too much leap, to much creep,
Too much purr, too much fur,
Too much cheese, she get what she please,
That's what Inga has.
Too much run, too much fun,
Too much fart, great bit heart,
Too much hiss, too much kiss,
That's what Inga has.
Inga, Inga, little as a finger.
Inga, Inga, delight bringer.
The prettiest kitten ever seen,
('Cos the prettiest kitten ever been!)