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Approaching Earth


Approaching the Earth rapidly. Juan says that, because we are scorifyingly behind schedule, I should leave immediately and that he will take The Lion and her crew back to the Isle of Wight, and then meet me in Africa. I consider it beneath my dignity to have to point out that we are a hundred miles up and about to crash in New Mexico. We have had fun travelling around the Solar System and, sorry to have missed some of the planets, we promise to return as soon as possible. To celebrate returning to Earth, Juan opens a tank of vintage Royal Lochnagar Special Reserve and we dance the Highland Fling with Arthur Wood. After drinking to the success of our mission, I grab a bottle of Juan’s Special Reserve; throw on a parachute, then, shouting goodbye to Juan and the crew and yelling “Geronimo!” I leap out of The Lion. Helplessly spinning downwards, swinging backwards and forwards like a demented pendulum, lost, confused and nauseatingly befuddled, I descend from space in a manner which, I feel, would be frowned upon by people who do this sort of thing professionally.

Professor Humperdink’s Diary