Bump into two of our top agents, our old friends Ghaniya and Johara. They tell us that they are working undercover as travelling belly dancers, but that their camel has broken down. Juan inspects the camel and says there’s nothing wrong, the beast is just grumpy and lazy, and he whispers into the camel’s ear that, if he doesn’t condescend to pull the carriage, he would be sent to Azibo’s farm where, rather than hauling two beautiful belly dancers, he will be hitched to a plough. The camel moans and grumbles but reluctantly gets to its feet. Johara and Ghaniya are very impressed that Juan got the camel going and asks if we can accompany them, in case the camel breaks down again. I start to tell the girls that we are heading for Humperdinkadad and, as we are dwaumishly behind schedule, we can’t travel with them, but I notice Juan looking at me fiercely and drawing his finger across his neck. I realise that he thinks that accompanying two gorgeous belly dancers is a very good idea and any other idea is a very bad idea, so I say we would be happy to travel with them for a short distance. To celebrate, Juan breaks open a barrel of vintage Laphroaig and, drinking toast after toast to all belly dancers, shouting and cheering with excitement, with Juan promising to teach Ghaniya some wild Tzigani songs, and to show Johara some wild Tzigani dances, we follow a miserable camel across realms unknown, as fast as we possibly can.
Professor Humperdink’s Diary