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16.1.09

Into the Unknown Region


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Flying towards Humperdinkadad, in the heart of the Unknown Region in the desert of Angad, Juan, waving his arms around, describing the attractions of Unknown women, who, he claims, are the most desirable women in the world, crashes the aeroplane.  This is another irritating example of Juan’s ineptitude and I can only hope that he doesn’t pass on his bad habits to the new recruits. However, although we lost several barrels of Talisker to the initial fire, and the explosion that followed vaporised a percentage of Auchentoshan, we do rescue the rest of the malt.  To celebrate, we crawl from the wreckage, and although we are badly burned, raise our glasses and drink to the health and happiness of all unknown women.  Now, crassly behind schedule, befuddled, hopelessly lost, yelling with pain, but very happy to be far from the lunacy of war, singing and cheering and yelling with excitement, we crawl towards a blasting sun, into the region of the unknown, as fast as we possibly can.


Professor Humperdink’s Diary