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Still floating


We call into the wheelhouse to explain that we are malefically behind schedule, and ask the captain to speed the ship up.  The captain  tells us that it’s Juan’s fault we are travelling so slowly as, although the ship is fitted with perfectly good diesel engines, the last time Juan was aboard, he noticed the engines contained miles of copper tubing and insisted on utilising them as stills so, now, we have the largest, but slowest, floating distillery in the world.

Professor Humperdink’s Diary