Heading across the Unknown Region, direction unknown. Although we are lost and dyvourishly behind schedule, Juan claims that it is better to be lost in a good condition than to be found in a bad condition. I tell Juan that Mahalath believes that that most agents are lost most of the time because they don’t observe their surroundings carefully enough, particularly flags. Juan says that, although Mahalath is highly intelligent as well as being stunningly beautiful, on some subjects, the woman is completely nuts. Nonetheless, to be on the safe side, we look at Mahalath’s book of flags and try to memorize a page of flags from the
British Commonwealth. Then, to test ourselves, we tear up the page and, using camel spit, we attempt to stick it together again. The results demonstrate that neither of us can remember what a single British Commonwealth flag looks like, and all we have done is produce landless flags. None of this helps anyway, I point out, as the territory is not the flag, so, giving up, Juan breaks open a barrel of vintage Glen Scotia and, drinking to Mahalath’s health and happiness, singing wild Tzigani songs, dancing wild Tzigani dances, cheering and whooping with excitement, we stumble on, over the hissing, unknown, sand, through a flagless land, as fast as we possibly can.
Professor Humperdink’s Diary