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Heading down to Lake Humperdink; staggering through a small wood, I am surprised and delighted to come across my old friend Bert Link, in a tree.  I tell Bert that I had heard that he was missing, but he explains that he’s not missing, he just hasn’t been found yet

After sharing some Vintage Bruichladdich, Glendullan and Balmenach with Bert, I ask him if he has seen Mahalath, as I am meant to be rescuing her and, having been boggedly delayed so many times, I am marishly behind schedule.  Bert points to the hills, on the far side of the lake, and tells me that Mahalath is in Humperdinkem, a small town in Humperdinkestine. He offers to come with me, to help rescue Mahalath, but points out that he doesn't have a boat, and, not having come down from the trees, he can’t swim.  I thank him for his kind offer; wish him the best of luck, then, celebrating the fact that, unlike apes, and their descendants, I can swim like an otter, I dive into Lake Humperdink and, barking with excitement and snatching fish with my teeth, I swim to the rescue, as fast as I possibly can.

Professor Humperdink’s Diary