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Missing New York


Leaving the flying of our aircraft in the capable hands of our young pilots, we dedicate several days to commemorating the memory of Rabbie Burns.  When we recover consciousness, Barry and Tam tell us that we missed the Empire State Building by inches, this is fortunate for, as Juan points out, had we hit it, we would have turned the highest building in the world to the longest building in the world. 

Looking out of the window, we are surprised to see New York, rather than Humperdinkadad, but Tam and Barry tell us that they don’t know where Humperdinkadad is, so they kept The Lion circling above the New York, pending further instructions from us.  I tell them that, as we are foughtishly behind schedule, we should immediately head for the Unknown Region, but Juan says that the women of New York are the most beautiful women in the world and to leave without meeting them would be a tragedy.  Being horribly befuddled after celebrating Rabbie’s life, we don’t feel competent to reach a decision through sensible discussion so we settle the issue in the traditional Highland fashion; by brawling.  As we hurl each other the flight deck, I notice that Tam and Barry look worried.  I try and explain to them that this is the most expedient way of determining our direction but Juan gets me in an efficient strangle hold and all I can do is choke and gasp.  Juan shouts at Tam and Barry to take us down to New York but, fortunately, as he does so, I manage to stamp on his foot hard enough to cause him to loosen his grip slightly, this allows me to turn and headbutt him into oblivion.  Now, with Juan resting peacefully, we head back to Humperdinkadad as fast as we possibly can.

Professor Humperdink’s Diary