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22.4.09

Bad seats

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I tell Juan that the chair he designed for the waiting room is an over-ornamented piece of junk.  He protests, saying that waiting for a train can be a bleak experience and a little ornamentation cheers people up.  He adds that my waiting room stool is not much better than a lump of wood, I point out that the seats on the train are likely to be equally uncomfortable but, sitting on the stool, by the time it arrives, the passengers will be used to discomfort.  Juan says that designing uncomfortable furniture is insane; I tell him that the English have been doing it for years; in fact, it’s a feature of their furniture.  After sketching more chairs, and disagreeing more and more violently over the final design, we settle the issue in the time honoured Highland fashion, by having a taich tulzie.

This is an indoor scuffle, rather than a fight to the death, which, to maintain a convivial atmosphere in Highland public houses, is traditionally reserved for outdoors, but, as we haven’t built the waiting room, we don’t have an indoors to scuffle in.  As we are outdoors, and humungously behind schedule, our only option is to sketch a bench, which can be placed in a convenient place, in case we both lose, then, opening barrels of Vintage Bowmore, Cragganmore, Brackla and Caperdonich Special Reserve, to fortify ourselves for the fight, offering toast after toast to the spirit of the battle, hollering with excitement and yelling the Highland war cry, we engage in mortal combat, as fast as we possibly can.

Professor Humperdink’s Diary