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Alexandra, in Aberfeldy

Arriving at aunt Humperdink’s Aberfeldy residence, Juan and Mahalath tend to the horses and I go in to look for aunt. Alexandra, who, mysteriously, has arrived here before us, meets me in the hall. The first thing she asks is if Juan is with me. Fearing the wrath of elderly relatives, I have to keep Juan and Alexandra as far apart from each other as possible. I also want to keep Mahalath away from Alexandra, so I lie, and tell Alexandra that Juan hasn’t arrived yet. Alexandra looks disappointed, I cheer her up with a bottle of Vintage Duff’s Defiance Special Reserve and she tells me that there’s a change in plans and, now, we are to meet aunt Humperdink in London.

I ask Alexandra how she got here so quickly and she tells me that she uses aunt’s experimental vehicles, which, when they don’t blow up, are very fast. To avoid a complicated situation, I explain that we are petrifyingly behind schedule and, when Juan does arrive, we will have to leave immediately. Alexandra is very understanding, says that she will catch us up in London, and, graciously, offers me one of aunt’s experimental vehicles.

For a second, I weigh the likelihood and possible consequences of the vehicle exploding against the chance, and probable result, of Juan or Mahalath coming into contact with Alexandra and, as the latter instance is a far more fearsome proposal than the former, I accept her offer, thank her, apologise for having to leave so quickly, kiss her fingers in farewell, then her hand, then her wrist, but when I start nibbling her arm, she bids me adieu, in no uncertain terms, and I run for the door, as fast as I possibly can

Professor Humperdink’s Diary