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Meeting Juan

After blundering around the desert for several days, I find Juan, surrounded by a swarm of locusts. Shouting over the buzzing of tens of thousands of insects, he tells me that the locusts are attracted by the smell of malt and that they are trying to break into his keg of Vintage Bladnoch Special Reserve. He adds that, although being covered in locusts is irritating, their presence is convenient as they do serve to conceal us. Picking locusts out of my beard, I ask Juan why we need to be concealed under a blanket of bugs, and he tells me that he is hiding from Mahalath. I want to point out that the North American authorities will be entirely fed up with us if we arrive in Colorado accompanied by a cloud of locusts, but, crawling with the things, all my attention is taken up with tearing the insects from my clothes and batting them away from my face. As discussion is impossible, wildly waving our arms around and spitting locusts in all directions, we head for Colorado, as fast as we possibly can.

Professor Humperdink’s Diary