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Dinner with John

Although we are frightfully behind schedule, we call in to see our old friend, John Milton. We are delighted to see him with his beloved pet hare, Paradise, as we had heard that she was lost. John says that, although the animal had been lost, her absence did inspire him to write a long poem. John is the most unimaginative poet in the English language so we aren't surprised to hear that he entitled his poem 'Paradise Lost'. Now the hare has come back, John tells us, he is writing another poem. Juan guesses that it's called 'Paradise Found' but John says that the creature wasn't really found as it came back on its own volition, so he was thinking about calling his poem, 'Paradise Comes Back', however, I suggest he call it 'Paradise Regained', John and Juan think this is a wonderful title and, to celebrate, Juan offers to cook dinner, while I serve up Vintage Springbank, Talisker, Bowmore and Glenturret Private Reserve.

Juan is a superb cook and John always enjoys vintage single malt, so we have a wonderful time until Juan says that he wants to inspire John to write a trilogy, suggests that the title for the third poem could be 'Paradise Digested', and presents us with jugged hare. John is normally a humble, meek and profoundly religious person, but he fills the air with profanity, grabs a knife and goes berserk. I can't believe that Juan could be so insensitive as to cook Paradise, but it is a shame to let a good food go to waste, so I trip John up and kick him in the head, to calm him down, Juan grabs the roast and, yelling goodbye to John, and wishing him the best of luck with his poetry, we leave, as fast as we possibly can.

Professor Humperdink's Diary