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28.5.10

Herons



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Now Roly tells us that he wants to paint some herons, Juan slumps to the ground in despair and I explain, again, that we are stoyingly behind schedule and we absolutely can not wait another moment and, I add, George Rankin painted an admirable heron, so all Roly will be doing is duplicating the bird. Roly shouts that George painted the heron when it was standing still, which is something any sheep-brained nincompoop could do. Juan points out that all herons do is to stand still, so painting one like that is perfectly reasonable, but Roly says that, although herons are large, when they are standing still they are so uninteresting nobody even notices them, especially fish, then, when a fish swims within range, the heron strikes; however, when herons fly, they look beautiful, except to the fish they just caught.

Roly's feeble excuses turn my brain turn to sludge, and Juan says that waiting for Roly to paint birds is making him lose the will to live, so, while Roly paints herons, to console ourselves, we break open our Vintage Lochnagar, Duftown, Craigellachie, and Tamdhu Special Reserve, offer toast after toast to big birds, and crawl around in confused circles, as fast as we possibly can.

Professor Humperdink’s Diary