Screaming at Roly that we are calamitously behind schedule and threatening him with dire consequences if he doesn't stop painting birds is useless, he ignores us and just keeps churning them out. Juan tries stealing most of his canvases, but, rather than painting one species per canvas, he squeezes ten birds on to one canvas, then I hide his coloured paints, but he just paints in black and white, Juan destroys his remaining paints so he resorts to sketching birds with a pencil. Then, remembering that Roly can't resist good wine, I remind him that the sooner we reach aunt Humperdink's Selborne residence, the sooner we can raid her wine cellar. Aunt's wine cellars are famously well stocked so this gets his attention and, thankfully, he agrees to take a break from painting birds and accompany us to Selborne. This is a great relief and, to celebrate, we break out our Vintage Tomatin, Glen Spey, Benrinnes, and Glen Elgin Private Reserve, offer toast after toast to Roly's beautiful birds then, flapping our arms with excitement and singing 'Raven's Stream', 'The Bonnie Moor-hen', 'The Robin’s Testament', and ‘Willie Brew’d a Peck o’ Maut’, we stagger on to Selborne, as fast as we possibly can.
Professor Humperdink's Diary