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Roly takes a stroll

Varieties of Humperdinkae

1. Eyed Anemone. 2. Trumpet. 3. Cave-dweller. 4. Latticed Corklet. 5. Plume Anemone. 6. Gold-spangled Anemone. 7. Rosy Anemone. 8. Deeplet. 9. Opelet. 10. Marigold Wartlet. 11. Red-speckled Pimplet. 12. Parasite Anemone. 13. Glaucous Pimplet. 14. Yellow Imperial. 15. Dahlia Wartlet. 16. Snake-locked Anemone. 17. Scarlet-fringed Anemone.

1. Necklet. 2. Walled Corklet. 3. Scarlet Pearlet. 4. Diadem Pimplet. 5. Painted Pufflet. 6. Arrow Muzzlet. 7. Orange-disked Anemone. 8. Gem Pimplet. 9. Ringed Deeplet. 10. Gapelet. 11. Waved Muzzlet. 12. Variety of Opelet. 13. Crock. 14. Crimson Imperial. 15. Vestlet. 16. Beadlet. 17. Variety of Beadlet. 18. Eyelet. 19. Snowy Anemone.

1. Variety of Eloactis Mazelli. 2. Neapolitan Mud flower. 3. Variety of Horse Beadlet. 4. Vestlet. 5. Crimson Trumpet. 6. Beautiful Ragactis. 7. Margined Cladactis. 8. Eloactis Mazelli. 9. Hard Pimplet (closed). 10. Variety of Gem Pimplet. 11. Orange Cereactis. 12. Transparent Trumpet. 13. Globehorn. 14. Cloak Anemone. 15. Pufflet. 16. Colour-changing Trumpet.

1. Parasitic Anemone. 2. Mossy Heterodactyle. 3. Opelet. 4. Slimy Corklet. 5. Snake-locked Anemone. 6. Variety of Daisy Sun-ray. 7. Daisy Sun-ray. 8. Elongated Corklet. 9. Hemprich’s Heterodactyle. 10. Solid furrow Anemone. 11. Horse Beadlet. 12. SandyPimplet. 13. Variety of Daisy Sun-Ray. 14. Hard Pimplet.

On the way to see the captain, to ask him to travel at maximum speed, because we are fiarteringly behind schedule, I call in to Roly’s cabin, to check how he is. He tells me that he is fed up with being in a submarine and that he is missing things like wide open spaces, colourful birds and beautiful flowers. I quickly sketch some of the fish that I have discovered, and a few anemones, and, showing them to Roly, to demonstrate the attractiveness of aquatic flora and fauna, I tell him that he should take a recreational stroll outside, to see the sights. Roly thinks that this is a bad idea, but I remind him that there's plenty of space outside, and that birds and fishes both belong to the phylum Chordata, so they are equally colourful, and sea anemones are just like flowers, except, obviously, they live in the sea, but they’re just as pretty. Roly still isn’t convinced, so I knock him out with a bottle Duff’s Defiance Founder’s Reserve, get him into a diving suit, and shove him out of the submarine.

Juan wakes Roly up by sending a blast of Auchentoshan fumes down his air pipe and we have a lot of fun watching him bounce around in confusion. After some time, Roly works out how to use the intercom and tells us that he’s found some sponges. Juan replies, telling him to do something useful with them, and sponge down the submarine.

George, inspired by watching Roly’s efforts at diving, and hearing him gasping and puffing with his exertions, paints a puffin. Juan breaks open the Vintage Glencadam, Tomintoul, Longmorn, and Scapa Special Reserve, we salute the bravery of submariners and offer toast after toast to the flowers of the sea, then, forgetting all about Roly, we inflate our bagpipes and, playing ‘The Mermaiden’, ‘A Wet Sheet’, and ‘Bobbing John’, we reel around the submarine, as fast as we possibly can.

Professor Humperdink’s Diary