We have a lot of fun racing about and fighting on the wooden horses, but, when I tell Gordon that real horses would be better, Gordon looks doubtful. Juan asks when the horses are going to arrive; Gordon says that the horses haven’t arrived because he hasn’t ordered any. Albert asks Gordon why he hasn’t ordered the horses. Gordon says that real horses are bothersome and inconvenient; compared to wooden horses, he says, real horses are expensive and need a lot of attention, also, he adds, real horses are high and, if you fell off one, you could hurt yourself, but you can’t fall off a horse that isn’t there. I tell Gordon that this is an unusual attitude for someone in command of a cavalry unit. Gordon tells us that not having horses is actually an advantage, for example, he says, although attending the International Horse Show without horses made the actual events somewhat tedious, the show was very profitable. Juan asks Gordon how he made the horse show profitable, if he didn’t have any horses. Gordon explains that as they didn’t have to waste time looking after horses, they were able to concentrate on modelling the latest range of military and sporting wear, promoting the businesses who advertise in Gordon’s Cavalry magazine.
While admiring Gordon’s business sense, I think that he has underestimated the usefulness of horses to a Cavalry unit. Juan agrees and suggests that we buy some horses to demonstrate to Gordon the effectiveness of lance and sword thrusts from the back of real horses. This is a good idea but, as we are pellishly behind schedule and don’t have time to buy horses, Juan and I borrow some horses from a nearby farm. I tell Gordon to choose some recruits and volunteer them to be targets, then, after quickly fortifying ourselves with Vintage Duftown, Craigellachie, Tamdhu, and Glen Garioch Private Reserve, we jump on the horses and charge around, yelling with excitement, thrusting, lunging, cutting and slashing, as fast as we possibly can.
Professor Humperdink’s Diary