Professor Humperdink III
We are meant to meet aunt Humperdink in her control centre under Povarovo II, however, with no engines, we are at the mercy of the wind, unfortunately, there is no wind and we are gamphrelishly behind schedule. We go nowhere at all for for weeks at end, everyone goes mad with boredom. Eventually Juan declares that he can't stand it any more and heads for the command cabin with a case of Glenlivet Private Reserve. When the Captain and crew become incapable, Juan takes over the controls and, by throwing levers at random, he causes us to flip end over end and spin in three directions at the same time. This alarms the passengers. When I scream at him to get the airship under control, Juan claims that he is practicing the Aberfeldy Tilt, a difficult Lomcovak variation. I tell him that the Aresti Aerocryptographic System requires precision flying and he is not flying with any precision, if fact, the airship is out of control. Juan ignores me and kicks the steam-release lever forward, shouting that the released steam will propel the airship and the faster the steam comes out, the faster the airship will go. He is correct in that the front portion of the airship does speed up, but the rear portion of the airship does not speed up, the airship tears down the middle, and we drift down to land in two halves.
After apologizing to the surviving passengers, we quickly break open our Vintage Vintage Glenkinchie, Glen Moray, Glencadam, and Bladnoch Special Reserve then, after offering toast after to our intrepid companions, we borrow an aeroplane and, with Rory being sick out of the window and the rest of us shouting and cheering with excitement, we fly to Povarovo, as fast as we possibly can.
Professor Humperdink's Diary